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The Case for (Talking About) Condoms

Sunday Express • Cedriann Martin • 26 June 2005 • 750 words

A girl brought the book AIDS in the Tropics to class. It was passed around and hovered over like a Hustler in a boys' school. Instead of ooohs, aaahs and oh-my-Gods, however, there were many and several oh geeds, oh gyads and God Nos. No air-brushed boobs and frilly panties here. Just page after page of decaying unmentionables.

That term Mrs. Lewis, our eccentric but wise Science teacher, had us do a project on HIV. Nerd that I was, I decided to go to RapPort for the information that would give my paper the edge. I didn't expect the counsellor to whip out a dildo and do a demo on condom-use.

My cheeks tingled. I grinned like a fool. I sheepishly requested a package of rubbers to stick into my project. And with the knowledge of what it takes to make sex safe (that and the decaying unmentionables), I decided not to start doing it just yet.

I suppose that resolution is counter-intuitive to some. They expect that when a teen has condoms she'll scoot off to the nearest available man and alley to use them. These are the same people who think that educating children about condoms and contraceptives is inappropriate in schools. They worry that information on sex is a green light to do it. And they prefer not to "confuse" our youth by telling them about the benefits of abstinence and fidelity as well as the rudiments of rubbers. For them knowledge is a threat, not a right.

Such people, as it turns out, are over-represented on the task force that's been mandated to develop a sex education curriculum for our secondary schools. They call themselves the Abstinence Committee. And their intuitions are off the mark. Dangerously so.

Every teen will not save sex for marriage. Forget the studies about how many do and how many don't and why and when and who. Some won't. What is our position on those children? That they shouldn't be doing it anyhow? That they should do the research themselves? That they deserve whatever they get? Such contempt has no place in social policy. Our mission should be to save as many lives as possible, not to punish wrong-doers. It is critical that this life-saving information be presented at school where there is order, a captive audience and several years to build a body of knowledge.

Now let's think about those who do remain virgins until their wedding nights. Do we really accept that someone's resolve to remain pure can be eroded by latex? If a girl truly buys into the ideas of honour, purity and saving herself for one man, no number of sex education classes can dissuade her. Another thing. Does marriage magically protect ward offSTDs? Of course not. The UN Special Envoy for AIDS in Africa, Stephen Lewis, has noted that married women in sub-Saharan Africa are more susceptible to HIV infection than sexually active single women. And according to the World Health Organisation, in ten years married women will account for the bulk of new HIV infections.

A young woman also needs information on other forms of contraception (unless she doesn't mind making a child a year until she's forty). We should give our girls information that would make them empowered and safe within their marriages.

In this debate much is being made about morals and religious teachings. Perhaps the time some religious leaders spend ensuring public policy conforms to their precepts, could be better spent exploring whether their positions on condoms and contraception, are practical. They must also investigate whether their methods of teaching inspire faith or fear. Do their followers truly buy in to the message? If they did, all the people having abortions and out-of-wedlock babies would be atheists.

The Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) sets out that "state parties should ensure the rights of female and male adolescents to sexual and reproductive health education." The state has both a moral and legal obligation to give our children the information that they need to stay alive. They shouldn t have to go find it. It should be presented to them plainly and honestly. That is the true basis of empowerment and sound decision-making. If your son grows up to be a priest and never has to use a condom, nifty. But if he does have sex-premarital, postmarital, extramarital or otherwise-then what?